ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
literature
Unseen
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
We were secret sisters, you and I,
walking in ivy that crept up our legs.
We'd raise our hands, outstretched arms
reaching for the out-of-reach.
No one ever gave you smiles
that they stole from the sun
except for me,
but why would we care if they turned a blind eye?
Oh, what a pair we were those days,
the clearest figure in each others haze.
But some can't see the simple things,
they laughed at you, tore up your wings,
wore your voice down every day,
until you were a mutterer,
whisperer,
mute.
I told the others as you faded away,
pleaded to save you, to help you to stay;
imagine the shock as they turned pale grey,
as they grabbed you, screaming, calling you names,
criminal, monster, poisoner, witch:
as if you'd ever bring me down.
No, you were my medicine,
my anchor to keep the deep away.
But now my twin has been kidnapped,
taken up with the setting sun.
They tell me I am better now,
the cancer gone, me free.
They say I should be happy now,
now they have answers to their questions.
Such a pity my happiness
was never the question
only my
well being.
walking in ivy that crept up our legs.
We'd raise our hands, outstretched arms
reaching for the out-of-reach.
No one ever gave you smiles
that they stole from the sun
except for me,
but why would we care if they turned a blind eye?
Oh, what a pair we were those days,
the clearest figure in each others haze.
But some can't see the simple things,
they laughed at you, tore up your wings,
wore your voice down every day,
until you were a mutterer,
whisperer,
mute.
I told the others as you faded away,
pleaded to save you, to help you to stay;
imagine the shock as they turned pale grey,
as they grabbed you, screaming, calling you names,
criminal, monster, poisoner, witch:
as if you'd ever bring me down.
No, you were my medicine,
my anchor to keep the deep away.
But now my twin has been kidnapped,
taken up with the setting sun.
They tell me I am better now,
the cancer gone, me free.
They say I should be happy now,
now they have answers to their questions.
Such a pity my happiness
was never the question
only my
well being.
Comments6
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
This is very emotional and deep, I find. I like the subject content of it as I find that it has some love tones to it but is also angst. There are some spots that are a bit off to me, at least.
I know it is free-verse, however I do think that some parts come off as choppy a bit when you read them. Most of this seems to be happening in these parts:
I told the others you were fading away,
pleaded to save you, to make you return.
Imagine the shock as they never thought to help,
as they grabbed you,
chocked you with pills and patented potions,
saying you were a criminal,
that you were a poison, that you dragged me down.
~I think it may be the period placement or how you break up the sentences themselves~
The rhythm throughout the poem is not always consistent, though that may have been intentional. I think it may be the period placement in some areas. I do the same thing myself, so I am equally guilty lol
The only last thing I can think to mention is the ending. I am not positive but perhaps adding a comma after "question", would be good for the rhythm. It gives a nice break, I think. That is up to you though
Regardless, I liked this piece very much. The title is also a good tie-in as well. Well done.
I know it is free-verse, however I do think that some parts come off as choppy a bit when you read them. Most of this seems to be happening in these parts:
I told the others you were fading away,
pleaded to save you, to make you return.
Imagine the shock as they never thought to help,
as they grabbed you,
chocked you with pills and patented potions,
saying you were a criminal,
that you were a poison, that you dragged me down.
~I think it may be the period placement or how you break up the sentences themselves~
The rhythm throughout the poem is not always consistent, though that may have been intentional. I think it may be the period placement in some areas. I do the same thing myself, so I am equally guilty lol
The only last thing I can think to mention is the ending. I am not positive but perhaps adding a comma after "question", would be good for the rhythm. It gives a nice break, I think. That is up to you though
Regardless, I liked this piece very much. The title is also a good tie-in as well. Well done.