literature

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FlickeringCandle's avatar
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Literature Text

you're crying
and as your tears drip down your cheeks
and turn the ground to dark,
how could you never wonder
if it was correlation
or causation;
if the tears made it all
real?

so now you're stuck inside your head
narrating your only dreams.
the endless broken melody
keep you awake
and restless
on edge.

run away
there is nothing here
to pin you down
so fly away
and find peace
where everything is broken
and you can blend in among the loss.
the pressure's building up inside,
and you need to find a way
to let it seep out on the floor
before it tears you apart.

but, at least you know yourself:
you see what can be seen.
though other people lean on each other
all you need is a tree.
and as you sit on broken glass
you come to terms with you
and remember what you've hidden inside
you have always been
your own.
For :iconlive-love-write:'s Synergy project. This was a rewrite of *Medoriko's loverly poem "In Losing Ones' Place" found here: fav.me/d2mlqd3 . Make sure to check out her gallery, there's a lot of good things to see there. :nod:
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Medoriko's avatar
I like that you chose this one to rewrite. It is not one of my favorites, but one that I do like at least. I think I may like your rewrite better lol I like that it is very different than my original. I use all capitals in mine, and you use all lowercase. Not sure if it was intentional, but still cool. It gives a different tone in certain places that wasn't in mine. I like that the point of view here is different too. Where I focus on the "we", you take a more direct approach and speak on the "you", which makes it more personal i think. The only thing I will say is that perhaps some punctuation in some areas would be nice, or just omit the few ones used altogether. Otherwise, great job and it made me proud :heart: